This is the 4th Big mistake made by Entrepreneurs on their path to Scaling Up… Emotional Vulnerability. Even after becoming Emotionally Intelligent, we can be vulnerable when we do not deal with our Emotions Consciously. We become either oversensitive or insensitive to our and others emotions. Using various techniques of Emotional Intelligence, whether using Ability model or Trait Model, we are able to get down to the symptomatic levels of our emotions. But, we are unable to understand why we are the way we are?
Most people do not know how to deal with Emotions, whether their own, or of others. In fact the word Emotion triggers some fuzziness inside them and they make walls of rationality around themselves to get rid of this fuzzy feeling. When logic and rationality can no longer provide functional efficiency effectively, fuzzy feelings begin to emerge.
Symptomatic Emotions and Compulsiveness
This fuzzy feeling is like a noise inside the head that makes us react in multiple ways. Stress, anger, depression, anxiety, angst, jealousy, envy, comparison, competition, procrastination, confusion, numbness, fear, need for appreciation, feelings of inadequacy, etc. are the kind of experiences we feel as a consequence. These are only the symptomatic emotions and not the root cause. As these feelings arise, our body and mind react in a predictable, almost pre programmed manner leading to an automatic reflexive action system, leaving us with little or no choice. Example biting nails when stressed or trying to think hard. This entire process is termed as Compulsiveness. People either struggle with this compulsiveness or give into it “ I am like this only! Deal with it” is an extremely popular line when one is frustrated with their own compulsions and just unable to change.
Consciousness is the polar opposite of Compulsiveness. It is the response which most of the time is unpredictable, rationale and a symptom of evolution.
As some of us gain intelligence, we become more aware of the kind of emotions getting triggered in us as well as in others, leading to somewhat better control over our own life, yet Compulsiveness remains firmly rooted. Once an emotion gets triggered, we can try to possibly safeguard ourselves against some of its consequences, but we are unable to control the eruption of emotion itself. For example, once anger has been triggered, we may choose to remain silent, go for a walk, express our anger, suppress it, use substances like alcohol, tobacco etc. or try to distract ourselves from it, but once anger has erupted, our life starts to circle around it. That emotion becomes the anchor point around which our struggle happens.
Imagine you fractured your right arm. Now the way you deal with life will be in context with that arm. What it means is that the way you get up, go to sleep, take a bath, eat food, work, will all be governed by that arm which is not well, not letting you live a completely able and normal life for a temporary period. It will become like an anchor holding you down, not letting you function at your fullest. Emotions are exactly like that, once you have a generated a feeling, whatever you do, you will think Because of it. If you are feeling sad, then no matter how happy a place you go to, at your core something will be weighing you down. They become the anchor points of life around which everything revolves.
Till we do not become Emotionally Conscious, we remain emotionally vulnerable because we remain compulsive and subservient to our emotional structures. Emotional Consciousness is our ability to overcome the compulsions of our emotions both at the causative and the symptomatic level. It is a life of Choices where we can pick and choose whichever emotion to use to lead our lives, while ensuring that it will neither make us compulsive nor habitual.
Take the example of an entrepreneur whose key emotional driver is Fear Of Losing. You will notice that all his decisions remain rooted in this fear all the time. He will have a compulsive need to win each argument and in the process, he will end up arguing even with his customers or his family. In the process, as he will lose business or love, his fear of loss gets triggered even more. To overcompensate, he will now start to keep quiet resulting in lifestyle disorders like blood pressure, sugar, insomnia, stress, etc. Whenever the situation will become overbearing, he will explode like a volcano and then again regress to maintain relationships. Even after becoming Emotionally Intelligent, this person remains as helpless as ever, rather he may suffer even more at times, since he is unable to eliminate his root cause: Fear of Losing.
The 5 Reasons why Entrepreneurs are unable to deal with their emotions.
Living in Denial
We are conditioned to live in denial. Emotions have been unmanageable in the past, hence, let us become emotionless. This life of denial results in the start of making us extremely vulnerable. What is noteworthy is that males are more prone to committing this mistake than females. This is one of the reasons why females excel at almost everything they do.
Getting stuck with symptomatic emotions
Getting stuck with symptomatic emotions and not able to dive deep to find the causative Root Emotions that lie within the fuzzy feelings. We have a tendency to arrive at quick conclusions and avoid the effort of deep thinking. Nor do we have the time for deep thinking due to numerous distractions created by multiple crisis and pleasures in our lives.
Inability to connect and communicate.
Due to our vulnerability, trust issues remain a huge obstacle. Past experiences of hurt have forced us to remain untrusting and on guard. “People are there to get us… we need to save ourselves all the time.” This is a deep conviction set in us and we remain disconnected from all our relationships. Most of the people survive through pretentious, superficial and transactional relationships only.
Need for quick results.
‘A lot remains at stake, hence who has the time to engage with or indulge into the emotional, softer side of people? Instead, just use fear or incentive to get quick results. Time is of the essence and we need to hurry.’ With this mindset, we keep running endlessly, only to realise that we were running on a treadmill, not getting anywhere!
Inability to sit with ourselves.
We all suffer varying degrees of Loneliness. The moment we sit with ourselves, we need to face ourselves, our thoughts, our actions and our consequences. We need someone or something to blame it on at that time. Hence, we find the reason and quickly get into action mode to set people and things right. We do not sit with “ourselves”. Not really, right?…. Because we do not know How To!
Emotions provide us the reason to live. If we become conscious, we can create a million reasons to live for ourselves and fulfil all of those leading to living a full life. No one wishes to Scale up their miseries and suffering. When emotions do not get fulfilled, we suffer. Finding minor reasons for scaling up such as fame, pleasures, gains, etc. do not play out in the long run, hence the desire to scale up starts to take a hit. Very soon people talk of scaling down, retirements, sabbatical, travelling the world, ‘escaping’ etc.
Emotionally vulnerable people lead half measured lives. Emotionally conscious people live full-filled lives hence, they keep going…. Keep growing.
This was the 4th of 10 mistakes an entrepreneur should avoid while scaling up!
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Here are the links to previous mistakes:
2. Worrying instead of thinking: https://www.skc.world/if-you-worry-too-much-you-are-making-a-huge-mistake/
3. Entrepreneur not aligned with his people: https://www.skc.world/5-reasons-why-your-people-dont-listen-to-you/
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